Resurrected..

Oh wow! I have not logged in here for so long..and I believe no one else has, judging by the no. of hits I have as of today. And I don't blame them. I have not been posting since..gosh! Almost a year! Anyway, the reason I'm actually making a so-called comeback is to let you know (if there's actually anyone reading this) that I'm not active on ringo.com anymore so don't bother to go there aite. I can't be bothered to log in there so if you wanna see recent pictures of me, you can go to friendster instead.

Ah well..I miss writing though. I can't think of anything to write now, my brain's kinda dead. (some things don't change!:p) Oh yeah..I went to Europe and I have been saying this, and I'll say it again - I love Paris!! with a capital L! :)

Hmm..alot of things have been happening in my life. Not to mention the fact that I have just turned 28.(shudder!) I don't feel like writing my life episodes in here..maybe not at this moment. If I ever feel like writing again, I'll pop in here. And to whoever is actually reading this, well..enjoy and thank you for being a part of my crap. :p

Till we meet again..

I realised that I was just crapping in my last post. Well, most of it anyways. Now, let's see if I can post something better and something more interesting. (a long pause here) Ok, nothing much actually. (as usual) Hmmm..come to think of it, my life is mostly routine. Don't want to sound too depressing here but it is! And I used to be a volunteer with the Children's Cancer Society in order to make my life more meaningful. I have stopped because of the distance and also because the parents of these sick children - mostly singaporeans - sometimes made me wish they were the ones who were sick and not their kids.

Hey, maybe I should start working with these kids again. That and also continue with my motorcycle lessons. Which, by the way, is already 2 years old. I always say to my friends that I'm supporting the driving centre financially because I keep renewing the course without going for the lessons regularly. And I only have 3 more lessons to go! I really, really should try to motivate my butt to do down to the driving centre more often. Bleh.

And what else can I do to make my life more fulfilled? Have an active night life? Check. (not doing that too much now) Get to know more people say, guys? (Done that and they don't make my life more meaningful. In fact, they are the very reason why I sometimes feel life sucks) Spend more quality time with family? (Who am I kidding? I can't stay in the same room with two of my sisters without one of them getting on my nerves) I've run out of ideas here. I guess, the only way to feel truly satisfied with my own existence is to 'cleanse' my inner self. Just feel happy. And be happy and not expect too much out of life or anyone. This way, I won't have to deal with too much disappointments. Like what they always say, "Live your life like it is the last.." It will not be easy but I could at least, try. I'm sure I'll be able to embrace life even more if I only have one day to live.

Now, if today is my last day on earth, what would I wanna do right this very moment? ... :D Gonna get myself that tub of chocolate ice-cream that's already in my fridge! Hehehe....

The Reason We're Put on This Earth..

Ok..the title of this post is supposed to end with a "?" Make that "????.." Sigh..don't you ever wonder why you're being born especially when things aren't going the way you would like them to? Ok..this may seem a tad too dramatic but this is what I always asked myself whenever I feel down in the dumps. And I have to be pretty much way, way down in the dumps to ask myself this mind-boggling question.

I always believe things happened for a reason or that there is always a blessing in disguise or that there will eventually be a light at the end of the tunnel or..you get my drift..but seriously, I'm sure we're all placed on this mysterious earth for a reason. Be it to bring happiness (or hell) to someone's life or just to be one of the numbers of the world's population. Sigh..especially now..whenever I steal a glance at Fazli, I'll be asking myself "Why am I being introduced in your life? Are we going to be together in the end and live happily ever after? And if we're not, then why did our paths crossed?" There's got to be a reason..again, things happened for a reason. Am I supposed to teach him a thing or two and vice versa? Are we supposed to learn someting valuable from each other? Maybe. And if one day, things don't go the way I would like them to, I should really remind myself that God just has other plans for me.

If we turned out to just be a fleeting presence in each other's lives, I do hope that we'll be able to figure out why our paths crossed in the first place. Right now, I'm hanging in there, fighting the evil 'twin' that raged within once in a while, especially so when we have our couples' tiffs. I don't know..I do really want this relationship to work but at the same time, I'm constantly reminded that no one can predict the future. Of course, we also believe that we have to fight for our future, even if, everything have been pre-destined.

My bf doesn't know I have a blog. And I'm not ready to tell him yet. Guess it's still too personal..but if I do tell him one day, it means that I'm ready to share more of myself with him. And "Fazli, if you do read my blogs one day, maybe you'll finally realised I'm not as strong hearted/headed and unfeeling as I sometimes make myself out to be. I am only human..and whose feelings for you have developed so strongly, she's afraid to acknowledge it...."

A Lil' Update..

Wow..it's been awhile since I last posted. Been really busy I guess and not really much things to write about. Things have been good so far..work and love life. No wait, maybe I should rephrase that. Urgh! Don't know what I'm trying to say. Work - I'm just hanging in there. A friend gave me a newspaper clipping the other day. It was a job for a kindergarten teacher. She knew how much I wanted to be one and therefore cut out the advertisement for me. It was perfect. I filled the criterias and if I got the job, they will send me for the Certificate in Pre-school teaching as well.

The thing is, Fazli have been saying how much he wants to settle down and he have actually spoken to his parents about it. So if I were to take up the teaching job, I know I can forget about marriage and all that coz with the measly pay, it would take forever for me to save up. I asked him how serious he is in settling down with me coz I was prepared to earned a lower pay. It was after all, something I have always wanted to do. He reassured me again about his intentions. So yeah..I had to make a big sacrifice. I gave up trying for the job. Maybe I might still be able to be a kindergarten teacher one day once I've settled down.

I hope the sacrifice is worth it. Our relationship hasn't always been smooth sailing and there are times when I have doubts. But we always managed to talk it out. That's the good thing, I guess. I have to learn to be more patient and more tolerant though and sometimes, it's hard. Not after all the shit I had to go through. Well..hope things will be better and seriously, I hope giving up my dream better be worth it!

One year older..

So now I'm 27..how time flies. 3 more years to go before I reach the BIG 30. :p I guess I really shouldn't be thinking too much about it. Age, is just a number after all. What did I do on my birthday? Well, I slept half of the day and I spend the rest of the day in front of the tv. Boring eh? No thanks to my on and off fever and flu. Been sick for the past one week. And just when I thought I was getting better, my throat started to feel like I have swallowed needles and everytime I got up from a chair or bed, my head would be pounding.

A good thing I was feeling slightly better when I went to Bintan again last Wednesday with Fazli (bf). Was supposed to go on my birthday but had to changed it a day earlier coz Fazli had a test on that day. I was still nursing a flu but it wasn't serious enough to keep me in bed. The room we had wasn't as nice as the ones I got when I was there the first two times. And, it actually rained! Luckily it wasn't raining cats and dogs and our moods were not dampened by the slight drizzle. We didn't really do much activities. We took pictures and videos of ourselves and laid on the hammock and just enjoyed the sea breeze. It was pretty relaxing and romantic, I guess. :) I've uploaded some of the pics in friendster. Didn't really take much pictures since it was so tiring and slightly annoying trying to make Fazli smile for the camera! Haha..Usually he will just stare into the camera straight face or make funny faces but will never smile. I'm proud to say that I've finally made him bare his teeth for the camera. Heh.

It's been fun going on this trip with him and I think we may have learned a little bit more about each other. Since we were together for only two days and one night, we did not really annoy each other that much. In fact, we have grown to be more comfortable around each other. I can even dig my nose in front of him now without feeling embarrased! Hehe..Would love to go on a longer trip with him in the future and I'm sure a long trip would test our characters and our tolerance towards each other.

So happy 27th birthday to me! :p (though it's already a week over) Gonna pamper myself, as usual..oh, actually I already have. I bought myself a very expensive Coach bag as a birthday gift to myself. Don't even ask me how much it costs..urgh! But it feels nice to be able to splurge on myself like that and knowing that I don't need to rely on anyone to buy me expensive gifts, although it would be much nicer to have someone buy you expensive items. :) And my bf bought me an mp4 player that I wanted so even though I did not really celebrate my birthday, at least I got some neat prezzies! :D

Not quitting!

So I have decided not to resign..yet. Actually, I've already tendered my resignation wef 2nd April and was already looking forward to my 'long holiday.' As usual, I talked to my stupid District Manager and I told him that I will only consider staying on if I'm transferred to an internal dept. After our talk, he had the cheek to ask if it was because of my just-as-stupid in-charge that I'm resigning and I told him it's partly the reason. I would have loved to say that it was also because of him straight to his face but since they were still looking at my options, I decided to keep mum.

A few days after, I met up with my HOD for another meeting. I was glad that it was a meeting only between the two of us and that my District Manager, aka butthole was not around. At first, I just told her that the reason I wanna quit was because I wanted to gain more exposure outside working in a different environment. It wasn't until we got deeper into the conversation that I told her the truth - I couldn't stand working under my manager and my in-charge. As usual, she was nice enough to listen to my woes and even promised to talk to my manger about his work attitude and even asked me to email her if I find my manager's attitude to be 'funny'. She even shared with me about her own working experience, some of which are confidential. She actually started out as an admin, and worked her way up to where she is now, a Head of Dept.

Since she was really sincere in helping me out, I decided to stay on. And maybe follow her advise to attain a few certificates available while I'm with the company so that if I really wanna leave one day, at least I wouldn't be leaving empty-handed. I feel a little inspired after talking to her and though I'm not interested in the types of certificates that my company have to offer, I'm going to give it a go, as a favour to my HOD and of course, to myself. And I do feel a little more appreciated. I mean, if I'm really a poor performing staff, I don't think she would try to convince me to stay right? I wasn't feeling motivated enough to go to work for the past few months and would report to work late almost everyday and I really thought she wasn't going to ask me to stay. The fact that she did, makes me feel good.

Some of my colleagues were happy to learn that I will not be resigning. When they knew of my intention to hand in my resignation letter, they tried to convinced me to stay but I was adamant. Well..I hope my decision to stay will be a blessing. I'll have to make an effort to come to work early though since I no longer am counting down to my final days in my company. Oh well..at least, I'll be counting down to my birthday and a getaway to Bintan again! :D More of that, in my next blog...:)

Racer for a day..

Yay! Finally I got a chance to drive a Go-Kart. :D Went to Batam last Sunday with my colleagues. It was fun but VERY tiring! It was due to the fact that I only had 3 hours of sleep the night before and had to get up at 5am. I almost contemplated not going for the trip at all but since I have never been to Batam, I just dragged myself out of bed.

First stop was to a water sports centre, where we lazed around while some of my colleagues tried para-sailing. Would have loved to try it or go on the jet ski even but I was not dressed for any water sports. Plus, I'm afraid of heights. But I know I wanna give it a go some day. After that we went for the Go-Kart racing. Since our group was quite big, we separated into two groups. The first group of ten 'racers' went first and boy! was I glad I decided to be in the second group. The first group were made up of mostly young teenagers and 9 of them were guys. Put them in racing cars and I'm sure you can imagine how they drove. There were quite a few mishaps but nothing serious happened. It was fun watching the aspiring racers though. My group however, were more cautious. The moment I drove off, my engine stalled coz I let go of the accelerator totally. It happened twice actually, when I thought I was going too fast. At first, it was pretty scary especially during the corners and bends. The first time I drove around a corner, I misjudged the speed and if I had lost my cool, I think I would have spiralled out of control. I felt more comfortable after a few laps and would even speed when driving on a straight road. Who needs a license eh? :p

We went shopping after that and were so happy to find A&W!! Though I wasn't hungry, I still ordered a root beer float and a waffle ice-cream! Hehe..By the end of the day though, I was thinking of my bed. I was so shagged that I couldn't wait to get on the ferry and head back home. The lack of sleep and the scorching heat gave me a headache. I was so tired that the moment I cleared the immigration I walked straight to the taxi stand and did not even feel tempted to shop at harbourfront though there were a few items and clothes that caught my eye.

It had been an enjoyable trip and an eye-opener as well. Seeing the state in which most of the people in Batam lived, I feel even more blessed. No matter what, I should always feel grateful. We Singaporeans are indeed lucky..

Tremors!

Something kinda cool happened yesterday afternoon. I experienced my first earth tremor. Ok, it's not something that people would call cool, but I have always wondered what it would feel like to feel the earth move. No, I don't wish to experience a real earthquake..just the tremors will do. I wasn't aware of the first tremor because I think I was in the washroom. Either that, or I was too busy staring into space to actually feel anything and I was whining to my colleague about missing out on the experience.

I was eating lunch with my colleagues when one of them asked "Do you feel it?" At first, I shot him a blank look and that was when I felt the table moved. It lasted a few seconds longer than the first tremor, I was told, and it did felt like it went on for quite a while. Now I know what they meant when they say that though an incident lasted for only a few minutes, it felt like hours. It was scary coz we were like, "Hey, how come the shaking is not stopping?" We were in an old building after all and even if it was just a few seconds of tremors that we felt, it was still pretty scary. Not knowing if the ceiling was gonna collapsed on you. The management of the building told us that they would monitor the situation and we would be evacuated if there was a need to. I was hoping that we would be evacuated so we would not have to work! But no such luck.

If experiencing tremors was scary enough, I'm sure experiencing a real earthquake would be even more terrifying. I hope our little island will never have to experience nature's fury...